Not a Bad Romance

I know that no one is really excited to talk shop, especially during a recession - I mean, why talk nuts and bolts when you can synthesize about whatchamacallits and doohickeypoppers? - but the time has come to compare longboards across the board, in the most general way I know how.

Mine is the best. End of post.

Ok, ok, so really. Follow me through this link to "Soulboards". Longboards are relatively expensive, so when you decide to get one, make sure that you like what you see. In fact, for this reason, I would even suggest that you pick some favorites or potential favorites online and then go to a local store that sells them to test it out before you buy.

What you will see through the link are a host of different longboards. Note number 1: not all longboards are the same. Skateboards are relatively the same length, so it becomes a matter of favorite design and (if you're really into skateboards) construction materials. Longboards also have a veritable plethora of designs and construction materials, with the added complication of differing shapes and lengths.

I'll address shape first, because ultimately, Note number 2: shape generally does not matter. You can choose a rounder, more skateboard reminescent shape, or you can choose a thinner plank of wood type shape. It's like the hairbow on Lady Gaga's head - oddly intriguing, yet ultimately unimportant to her music style. Unless she's got a bow that plays the bass now. There is not enough coffee in the world to prepare me for that. The only notable difference that shape gives is the curve of the board. Some are precisely flat for more rider control while downhill boarding, while others are slightly more "U" shaped to lock the feet in when just cruising down the street.

And now for the very defining definition of a longboard. Note number 3: size does matter. Stop snickering, I'm serious. The 27 inch long Hesher does not ride the same way that the 56 inch long Bombardier B56 Bomber would. A shorter board will give you more control in turns and in tricks, but a longer longboard will provide for a more steady ride over long distances. It all depends on the rider's needs or preferences.

In fact, if the rider prefers, they could get their hands on the handmade Texas Rolling Thunder. Soulboards states of this southern marvel:

Introducing the world's Largest Longboard 'Texas Rolling Thunder.' A massive solid wood juggernaut - 80" Long with dual tandem trucks Titanium bearings. Rock steady on downhill rolls. Comes complete with custom soul kryptonic wheels. Try this one on for size. Totally handmade. Call with questions.

The Rolling Thunder really is the longest longboard in the world. Anyone who feels the need to get this is either really going for a socio-political comment, or is overcompensating for something. You be the judge.

But ultimately, my favorite aspect of a longboard is its give, or flex. This is the experience of jumping on a board, feeling it sink beneath your weight, and then bouncing back to its regular position. Some boards have a great deal of flex, and others do not - the former being for more relaxed rides and the latter being for more high speed models. For a beginner, I would recommend a board with a moderate amount of give/flex because as you begin boarding, you will discover that jumping up and down on your board does act as a bit of a breaking method.

I personally ride the Retrofish Rasta Beach longboard, which has the "U" shape and a moderate amount of flex, which is more indicative of a laid-back sidewalk riding experience. I chose it because it was one of the longest ones in the shop that I went to, but I feel as though it was a really good choice for me. When you're choosing the one that's right for you, consider the length and give (or flex) of the board, and what you plan on doing with it. Eventually, you'll find one and bond.

Awww, longboard. True love.

-Andy